Let it never be said that wisdom and knowledge makes one's life easier. All the wisdom of the world can not provide happiness, no matter how hard we try. By the cursed powers of the old gods they are beyond usefulness. I would give anything to be blissfully ignorant of any and everything. My life would only be improved without any of the things that I know. Regret is the only true reward of knowledge, because to gain knowledge we must sacrifice. Wisdom being the application of knowledge requires even more sacrifice, thus more regret. The terrible truth is the more we have to regret, the more we learn, and all my regret has taught me is that I will never drink of the sweet waters of forgiveness, for I will never forgive myself. To the abyssal depths and burning hells with the world and it's inhabitants. I am akin only to the Fallen, cast down from Grace. I, like them, know that redemption is not far from my grasp, but I refuse to reach for it. My soul is a demon given flesh, and my mind is dark and twisted for it. My heart is a solid piece of obsidian, hardened and unfeeling, for that is how I choose it to be.
Furthermore, since no one else will ever read these written words I suppose I could bear what is left of my soul, if for no reason other than to rest my deluded mind. I ache for companionship, for the warmth of a person who cares for me and me alone. I crave a family of my own, children to raise, to teach how to be better people than the worthless dregs society has produced. Children who will cherish intelligence and knowledge over the blatantly insipid ignorance and unbridled insanity that has become common place in this waste of space we currently survive in. I yearn to know the joy of having a normal life, but I know that it will never happen for me. I am not to have these things, no matter what I do and it fills me with rage. My every fiber is infused with the burning hatred for everyone and everything around me, most of all myself. I hate that I want what I will never let myself have. I hate that no matter what I do, the monsters remain, because I will forever be one of them. I am the villain. I do not win. I do not get what I strive for. I am destined to fight for the rest of eternity, regardless of who the hero may be.
May the world burn for the sake of burning. May the sun be forever darkened. My the light of salvation be extinguished by the unending darkness of harsh reality. It be not for me to care.
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