Live long and prosper.........

Today I find myself vexed by the frailty of the human condition. A person in my life died this past Friday, and it bothers me that it doesn't bother me. The person was not related to me, not a close friend, but I still feel like his passing should phase me more than it does. On some basic level the generalized tragedy of the end of one who had a whole life in front of them should effect me, but it doesn't. This is just one of many realizations I've made in the last week. I got to spend time with two fellow adventures from times past, and I realized that my frail humanity CAN NOT handle traveling through time and space with these two. We have crossed paths before, and they are able companions, but that time is beyond me.

It is a sad tale, my one true regret. But every adventurer needs motivation to travel throughout the cosmos, and she is mine. She can never know that she drives me on, partially because she won't believe it. Thus my vexation of the human condition. Any small thing can cease us to be, any emotional response we have can destroy us utterly, but we continue to find new ways to hurt ourselves. For the love of the gods we as a species have gone so far as to create diseases that we can neither control nor cure, simply because we can.

But I digress. This last minor foray into the wider world has shown me the futility of my being, such as it is. I have let the softness of being human interfere with the ability of my mind to find happiness. I have divulged my being in it's quest for companionship and lost myself somewhere along the way. She has my heart, locked in a box, and there it must stay. By giving her this I have found how to exsist without the futility of attachment. She has my heart and all of it's failings, and I may keep the stronger pieces of my being, remaining detached from those around me, providing it is not her that is near. Of course I will find any excuse to bring myself near to her, feel that tremendous pain that levels me completely for weeks on end, but it is a lonely life. It is that pain that will one day cease, and I will attain that which I strive for.

The cosmos open wide before my eyes, but in my chest is the blackest of holes, devouring all in it's path. Still I sit watching the night sky, and I fear I may need to leave my fire side soon, for my tales grow stale and useless........